Sleep eludes him that he's staring at his ceiling trying to count the sheep, trying to not think of the vile nightmares that came to life in the asylum. He should have known that things wouldn't be so easy, but he had hoped for a little reprieve. Things were simply never going to settle down into some semblance of a break, and he was trying to learn to deal with that.
The quiet "it's me" puts him on guard at first, only relaxing when his mind catches up to his hearing and realizes that it's Jesper. Jesper who was crawling into bed with him and -- oh. Oh. Oh. This was a nice change of pace, he thinks as he shifts to allow the other boy room.
"Can't sleep either?" He asks softly, cautiously wrapping his arms around him to hold him close. It's so tentative it could barely be counted as touching, but he's still trying with Jesper initiating the contact.
"Not a chance." He murmurs back. There's still a bit of discomfort, being touched, but Jesper is tired of it. He's tired of the distance, the rift, of keeping people he gives a damn about at arm's length. So he forgoes the song and dance and pulls Wylan close, face buried in the juncture of his neck and shoulder.
Fuck pretense and pretending he didn't want this.
"Kept staring at my ceiling. I got tired of doing it alone." He got tired of being alone.
This was a nice change, and he instantly relaxes against him. Having Jesper there comforted him more than he'd like to admit. He run his fingers through Jesper's hair, kissing his temple as he moves impossibly closer.
"Yeah... well looks like we can be awake together." After the asylum how could anyone sleep? "What do you want to talk about?"
Anything. Something. Try and get his mind off of all of the chaos for a short while so that he could possibly fall asleep. Maybe if they could talk about something other than the horrors they face every day that they were here.
"I wouldn't mind talking." It's one of the reasons he's here, isn't it? Though that vein of conversation wasn't likely, remotely, anywhere near what Wylan had in mind.
But he had promised this boy--this wonderous boy that still somehow was giving him the time of day after the early messes he'd stumbled into--honesty. He was trying to keep those promises. "We should...We need to talk about the asylum. The Mares." He hates it, breaking this little bit of peace in a matter of seconds, but he was doing it anyway. "I kissed Kaz."
Might as well get that one out of the way from the get-go. Jesper's just holding his breath for the fallout.
Saints he wasn't expecting him to come out the gate swinging but here they were. Wylan's eyes are wide with shock, staring at Jesper with a bit of awe that he was even still breathing. He tilts his head a bit, contemplating what to say before he exhales and gives Jesper a contemplative look.
"Saints, really?" He finds himself sighing. "Okay. ....did you want to tell me how it happened?"
Because he can't fault Jesper for kissing Kaz when they already knew Hell was going to play mind games with them.
The reaction is pretty much what he expected. Surprise--maybe a hint of disbelief--followed up by a breath and Wylan's calm, cool logic. Honestly, his ability to settle into a calm was something Jesper envied and appreciated.
"I ran into one of his nightmares." He wanted to explain more, to talk of what he saw, but that was Kaz's thing. Jesper may have a big mouth on him, but business like that would go to his grave. "Kaz got some of that...Frenzy? Shoved it down my throat. It stopped the nightmares. But it also took down walls? Kaz talked for once."
He sighs, hoping he wasn't saying too much or inviting questions he couldn't answer. "And asked why I stuck around...And I kissed him."
He listens. There's a lot of questions on the tip of his tongue but he doesn't know which to voice first. Would it be the one where he asks what kind of nightmare? How did Kaz get his hands on Frenzy? Why would he shove some down Jesper's throat? Was it because the nightmares faded with the help of the drug? Wylan didn't get a hold of Frenzy himself (he was skeptical of its properties), but knowing what it could do...
"You kissed him while you were high on Frenzy." He states matter of factly, sighing lightly as he continues to run his fingers through Jesper's hair. "How did he take it?"
How was Wylan taking the admission was a better question. He just takes a deep breath and remains calm, level-headed, and open-minded. What else could he be but open-minded about this whole situation?
Of course, Wylan picks up on the underlying circumstance. "Yes, Wylan. I kissed Kaz while I was high." Saints, is he ever going to stop falling into trouble here? Unlikely. Hell was a whole deck of cards stacked against him at this point. "He uh...called caring about him torture?"
But that wasn't the biggest part of it all, was it? "He kissed me. So technically we kissed twice."
Jesper has to worry, at that moment, about how this all looks to Wylan. There's a touch of guilt, and a hint of nerves playing across his face, before he chances a question. "And how are you taking...all of this? Because you're being very...calm."
"I mean, we can't avoid it in Hell, can we?" He's still calm as he talks through it, trying his best not to let his jealousy show through. "I mean. ...you're trying not to get into those situations, right?"
Right?
Wylan really wanted to believe that it was simply just Hell trying to get under their skin and not that Jesper wasn't trying. He knows this boy better than that, but there's still that underlying worry. The fact that he doesn't know what Hell will throw at them and what might come their way still made him all sorts of uneasy. Was he more paranoid now that he was in Hell? Possibly, but he was working through it.
He could call him on it, on the soft lie of being fine with it all. He could, but he doesn't. He knows Wylan well enough to know he's already up in his own head about it all and that calling him out on it wasn't going to make this any better.
"I don't go looking for trouble if that's what you're asking." Which is absolutely is. Trouble and Jesper always had a way of finding one another, and Hell made that surprisingly easy. Too easy. And he honestly wouldn't hold it against Wylan to hold some kind of grudge against the place--and to give him a bit of the cold shoulder. He's grateful the other boy hasn't resorted to shutting him out.
"Came looking for you." He could be working off this restlessness at some table in the Casino, or in the crowds at some bar or one of the other late-night crapshoots. But he's here, in the quiet, with Wylan instead.
He hates lying to Jesper, but he's doing everything he can to not be jealous of the situations that Jesper finds himself in. It's not like he actively went looking, as Jesper has said, but the situations still sting. He still feels the pang of jealously with every instance, but he's trying. Wylan is attempting to live with it because Hell wasn't going to give them a choice.
He smiles, however, grateful that he came to find him. "You did." He says quietly, kissing the top of his head. "And I'm glad you're here."
There wasn't anyone else he'd rather be with right now, anyway.
"So... Frenzy." He starts a bit. "What was it like?" Not that Wylan's curious to try it. He's arleady been through one drug induced haze, he doesn't need to go through another.
Jesper knows that with all Hell was trying to throw at them, that how Wylan actually felt about it all was going to have to be a more direct conversation in the future. It couldn't be ignored if things kept up as they had been, but for now, he would let it settle--he just hoped it wouldn't fester.
"Frenzy?" That was a good question. Jesper had, as most that had time in the Barrel, encountered a number of things meant to alter moods and make for a good time. Not that he ever fell in with them much, but it's enough for a frame of reference. "It made me feel more awake. There's a bit of a haze to it all, but pleasant. Guess that makes sense for how people end up addicted."
He thought back on that time in the asylum, the small stretch of peace in that room he and Kaz had managed to find themselves in. "Lowers inhibitions and makes it easier to act on impulse I guess."
It's a small wonder Jesper hadn't landed himself in more trouble under that kind of influence.
"It's amazing that you didn't get into more trouble." He remarks with a small laugh. "I'm glad you didn't though."
He's worried that Frenzy is a pleasant drug. It sounded similar to the drug that he had gotten his hands on, and he hoped the pull to try it again wasn't there. Drugs were addictive, and Wylan has pretty much sworn off ever trying it again. No drugs, no alcohol, he barely trusted the food in this place but he still needed to eat to survive.
"You're okay though, right?" Jesper wasn't tempted to try it again, right?
"Considering why I had it in the first place?" And the fact that Kaz was right there and likely would have kicked his ass. "I don't think I had much opportunity to get into trouble."
Considering all of the other vices Jesper has, he can understand the underlying concern to Wylan's question. It would be easy, to chase after the drug and the ease it brought. But Jesper's fix had always been on the chase and adrenaline, the steps close to the edge and the risk. Frenzy held none of that thrill for him.
"You know that I'm going to worry anyway." He mutters, scooting down in the bed so he could face Jesper. "Because I can't help but worry about you."
He reaches over to cup Jeser's cheek, a smile on his lips before he leans forward to kiss him on the lips. It's a soft, sweet thing, short-lived as he pulls back. He didn't want to push Jesper after all he's gone through, but the closeness spurred him to at least try. He wanted to be bolder, to push, but this wasn't the time for it.
"Did you want to try and get some sleep or are you still awake?" Because Wylan wasn't sure he could sleep after the nightmares but he's hoping that with Jesper around he could. "I don't mind talking more."
"I'm just saying that Frenzy isn't going to be a thing you need to worry about." Jesper's well aware, too aware, that there's more than enough to be worried about where he's concerned. Adding a potential addiction to that pile was absolutely not needed.
Wylan's kiss would normally be something he chased with something a little more heated, a taste more desperate. But that wasn't what either of them needed in the moment. So he follows the lead laid before him, another kiss just as soft, lingering where Wylan's was fleeting but no less sweet for it. There was still a spark to it, the promise of a wildfire if and when he decided to chase it. It left a budding warmth in his chest, causing a soft, affectionate smile to bloom in its wake.
"Still awake..." He murmurs into the space between them. "But I might actually manage sleep here if we try." He was comfortable enough with Wylan to give that a shot, to hope that maybe sleep might not elude them both and the nightmares might stay well at bay.
"I know." He smiles against him. "I know. I'm still going to worry about you in general though."
He was worried about all of them. About Kaz, about Inej and Nina - they were all trapped in Hell at the mercy of its whims. If it wasn't Frenzy it was the torture. If it wasn't the torture it was the Veiled Order. It was a number of things that could potentially go wrong and he worried how it would affect them. He was going to be looking of his shoulder a lot more than he did back in Ketterdam, a feeling he hated.
"We can still talk." He leans back a little bit. "I told you I'm learning magic, didn't I?"
Did he? A lot has happened in a short amount of time that he's not certain if he did.
"You're learning what?" Jesper's surprise is more along the lines of excitement. He sits up, disentangling from Wylan to stare down at the boy with wide eyes.
"You did not. So what like tricks or something else?" The streets of Ketterdam were littered with street magicians and charlatans peddling their wares and tricks to every gullible sap and Pidgeon from the Lid down into the depths of the Barrel. But here--here he's seen a hint of magic, not the Small Science, but something more unexplained, almost verging on the impossible.
"No, like real magic." He says as he looks up at Jesper with a bright smile. "I don't know how else to explain it, but it's real."
He takes his time sitting up, stretching his arms in the process as he crosses his legs beneath him. What would he show him first? He shifts as he has to think about what he would show him. Message wouldn't be a good one since they're sitting right across from each other, however...
"Okay, okay. I'll show you the one I've been practicing more." He takes a deep breath before he moves his hands how Caleb had shown him, saying something under his breath as he summons Mage Hand.
The spectral hand hovers in the air before he slowly concentrates sending it across the room to pick up his bag and bring it back over to them. It floats slowly, Wylan focusing on making sure his satchel is on the bed with them before he drops the spell. He reaches out for the strap to pull it closer and looks at Jesper shyly, brushing a stray hair behind his ear.
Jesper settles in, crossing his legs as he watches Wylan expectantly. At first, he can't help but equate the strange movement of his hands to the way he's seen proper Grisha move. Not ones that try to make things work on desperation and a prayer, but the trained and true--It's no wonder other people call Grisha witches. It's hard not to think something like that is magic if you have no idea how it works.
He has to wonder just what Wylan is trying to do as the spectral hand manifests and begins the slow trek across the room and back with Wylan's bag in tow. When the spell drops, his wide-eyed gaze is one of wonder and delight.
"You're absolutely brilliant, you know that?" It's not an empty compliment. He has no idea what is behind work like that, but he knows Wylan has managed to learn something so completely new in a little under a couple of months. "You said this one is what you've been practicing with, you're learning more?"
"I am not." He clearly can't take a compliment. "But yeah. I've learned two other spells. One is Message which allows me to communicate with someone quietly roughly 120 feet away and they can respond to it. The other is what they call Friends which is like... subtle compulsion to convince someone to do something. Like charming someone to talk."
He's excited to talk about what he's been learning, and he can't wait to learn more. Caleb has been an excellent teacher and now that Essek had joined in, he was curious about what else he may learn. Discovering that he could actually use magic has been an exciting revelation.
"I just learned Friends. I'm not very good at it yet and well... the downside is that people know you've used it after the spell has faded but-- it could be quite useful."
There's something endearing about Wylan's excitement about learning--it's something that wasn't seen often in the time he was with the Dregs, and he isn't too certain about the time after. He hasn't had the chance to see the after yet, but if it's anything like this--
There was a reason he was half in love with this boy before they had ever thought to be a thing.
"Don't let Kaz know about that whole 'Friends' thing. He'll hate the name but he'll definitely start scheming about how to use it. Message will be useful if the tech ever cuts..." He taps his fingers on his knees, obviously thinking about something. "How exactly are you planning on practicing Friends anyway? I mean if the person you use it on knows..."
"As soon as Kaz knows what I'm doing he's going to scheme how to use it anyway." He laughs a little, rubbing the back of his head. "Practicing Friends is going to be challenging. I'm thinking of just... asking people I know if they don't mind me trying to use it on them first so they know ahead of time. The last thing I want to do is use it on a demon or someone who I don't know and not get far enough away from them when they realize what happened."
Cause that would just be awkward. Use the spell and then die for trying it. Which really he was trying to avoid doing something so careless. He takes his bag and sets it on the side of the bed, not sure if he should show Jesper Friends or not.
"It's pretty fascinating to learn magic." He admits with a smile, bringing the subject back around. "Each spell consists of a verbal, somatic, or a component. Sometimes more than one, but I don't think all three are needed for a spell."
"You can practice with me." He volunteers without thinking about it, about the potential consequences. Wylan is learning something he's interested in, and Jesper wants a part of it. "It's just a minute, right? Shouldn't be too difficult."
Besides, how much could Wylan compel him to do in a minute? Although...that had some interesting implications--probably best not to go down that train of thought right now.
"You're enjoying it." And that's enough to know that he'd encourage it. "Who are you learning this all from anyway?"
"Yeah? I'll keep that in mind. I think it's a bit too late tonight to practice." He was starting to feel the lull of exhaustion hitting him.
What could he compel Jesper to do? Hopefully, nothing that he wouldn't freely give otherwise but the implications were there. He's just glad that Jesper was willing to help him learn and practice.
"I am." He nods, before he moves to settle back down into the bed, looking up at the other boy. "I met a man named Caleb. He and his-" traveling companion "-friend Essek have been teaching me. Caleb says he's a wizard."
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Sleep eludes him that he's staring at his ceiling trying to count the sheep, trying to not think of the vile nightmares that came to life in the asylum. He should have known that things wouldn't be so easy, but he had hoped for a little reprieve. Things were simply never going to settle down into some semblance of a break, and he was trying to learn to deal with that.
The quiet "it's me" puts him on guard at first, only relaxing when his mind catches up to his hearing and realizes that it's Jesper. Jesper who was crawling into bed with him and -- oh. Oh. Oh. This was a nice change of pace, he thinks as he shifts to allow the other boy room.
"Can't sleep either?" He asks softly, cautiously wrapping his arms around him to hold him close. It's so tentative it could barely be counted as touching, but he's still trying with Jesper initiating the contact.
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Fuck pretense and pretending he didn't want this.
"Kept staring at my ceiling. I got tired of doing it alone." He got tired of being alone.
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"Yeah... well looks like we can be awake together." After the asylum how could anyone sleep? "What do you want to talk about?"
Anything. Something. Try and get his mind off of all of the chaos for a short while so that he could possibly fall asleep. Maybe if they could talk about something other than the horrors they face every day that they were here.
"Or do you just want to lay here in silence?"
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But he had promised this boy--this wonderous boy that still somehow was giving him the time of day after the early messes he'd stumbled into--honesty. He was trying to keep those promises. "We should...We need to talk about the asylum. The Mares." He hates it, breaking this little bit of peace in a matter of seconds, but he was doing it anyway. "I kissed Kaz."
Might as well get that one out of the way from the get-go. Jesper's just holding his breath for the fallout.
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Saints he wasn't expecting him to come out the gate swinging but here they were. Wylan's eyes are wide with shock, staring at Jesper with a bit of awe that he was even still breathing. He tilts his head a bit, contemplating what to say before he exhales and gives Jesper a contemplative look.
"Saints, really?" He finds himself sighing. "Okay. ....did you want to tell me how it happened?"
Because he can't fault Jesper for kissing Kaz when they already knew Hell was going to play mind games with them.
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"I ran into one of his nightmares." He wanted to explain more, to talk of what he saw, but that was Kaz's thing. Jesper may have a big mouth on him, but business like that would go to his grave. "Kaz got some of that...Frenzy? Shoved it down my throat. It stopped the nightmares. But it also took down walls? Kaz talked for once."
He sighs, hoping he wasn't saying too much or inviting questions he couldn't answer. "And asked why I stuck around...And I kissed him."
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"You kissed him while you were high on Frenzy." He states matter of factly, sighing lightly as he continues to run his fingers through Jesper's hair. "How did he take it?"
How was Wylan taking the admission was a better question. He just takes a deep breath and remains calm, level-headed, and open-minded. What else could he be but open-minded about this whole situation?
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But that wasn't the biggest part of it all, was it? "He kissed me. So technically we kissed twice."
Jesper has to worry, at that moment, about how this all looks to Wylan. There's a touch of guilt, and a hint of nerves playing across his face, before he chances a question. "And how are you taking...all of this? Because you're being very...calm."
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He's not fine.
"I mean, we can't avoid it in Hell, can we?" He's still calm as he talks through it, trying his best not to let his jealousy show through. "I mean. ...you're trying not to get into those situations, right?"
Right?
Wylan really wanted to believe that it was simply just Hell trying to get under their skin and not that Jesper wasn't trying. He knows this boy better than that, but there's still that underlying worry. The fact that he doesn't know what Hell will throw at them and what might come their way still made him all sorts of uneasy. Was he more paranoid now that he was in Hell? Possibly, but he was working through it.
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"I don't go looking for trouble if that's what you're asking." Which is absolutely is. Trouble and Jesper always had a way of finding one another, and Hell made that surprisingly easy. Too easy. And he honestly wouldn't hold it against Wylan to hold some kind of grudge against the place--and to give him a bit of the cold shoulder. He's grateful the other boy hasn't resorted to shutting him out.
"Came looking for you." He could be working off this restlessness at some table in the Casino, or in the crowds at some bar or one of the other late-night crapshoots. But he's here, in the quiet, with Wylan instead.
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He smiles, however, grateful that he came to find him. "You did." He says quietly, kissing the top of his head. "And I'm glad you're here."
There wasn't anyone else he'd rather be with right now, anyway.
"So... Frenzy." He starts a bit. "What was it like?" Not that Wylan's curious to try it. He's arleady been through one drug induced haze, he doesn't need to go through another.
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"Frenzy?" That was a good question. Jesper had, as most that had time in the Barrel, encountered a number of things meant to alter moods and make for a good time. Not that he ever fell in with them much, but it's enough for a frame of reference. "It made me feel more awake. There's a bit of a haze to it all, but pleasant. Guess that makes sense for how people end up addicted."
He thought back on that time in the asylum, the small stretch of peace in that room he and Kaz had managed to find themselves in. "Lowers inhibitions and makes it easier to act on impulse I guess."
It's a small wonder Jesper hadn't landed himself in more trouble under that kind of influence.
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He's worried that Frenzy is a pleasant drug. It sounded similar to the drug that he had gotten his hands on, and he hoped the pull to try it again wasn't there. Drugs were addictive, and Wylan has pretty much sworn off ever trying it again. No drugs, no alcohol, he barely trusted the food in this place but he still needed to eat to survive.
"You're okay though, right?" Jesper wasn't tempted to try it again, right?
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Considering all of the other vices Jesper has, he can understand the underlying concern to Wylan's question. It would be easy, to chase after the drug and the ease it brought. But Jesper's fix had always been on the chase and adrenaline, the steps close to the edge and the risk. Frenzy held none of that thrill for him.
"I'm fine. You don't have to worry about that."
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He reaches over to cup Jeser's cheek, a smile on his lips before he leans forward to kiss him on the lips. It's a soft, sweet thing, short-lived as he pulls back. He didn't want to push Jesper after all he's gone through, but the closeness spurred him to at least try. He wanted to be bolder, to push, but this wasn't the time for it.
"Did you want to try and get some sleep or are you still awake?" Because Wylan wasn't sure he could sleep after the nightmares but he's hoping that with Jesper around he could. "I don't mind talking more."
He just wasn't sure what to talk about.
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Wylan's kiss would normally be something he chased with something a little more heated, a taste more desperate. But that wasn't what either of them needed in the moment. So he follows the lead laid before him, another kiss just as soft, lingering where Wylan's was fleeting but no less sweet for it. There was still a spark to it, the promise of a wildfire if and when he decided to chase it. It left a budding warmth in his chest, causing a soft, affectionate smile to bloom in its wake.
"Still awake..." He murmurs into the space between them. "But I might actually manage sleep here if we try." He was comfortable enough with Wylan to give that a shot, to hope that maybe sleep might not elude them both and the nightmares might stay well at bay.
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He was worried about all of them. About Kaz, about Inej and Nina - they were all trapped in Hell at the mercy of its whims. If it wasn't Frenzy it was the torture. If it wasn't the torture it was the Veiled Order. It was a number of things that could potentially go wrong and he worried how it would affect them. He was going to be looking of his shoulder a lot more than he did back in Ketterdam, a feeling he hated.
"We can still talk." He leans back a little bit. "I told you I'm learning magic, didn't I?"
Did he? A lot has happened in a short amount of time that he's not certain if he did.
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"You did not. So what like tricks or something else?" The streets of Ketterdam were littered with street magicians and charlatans peddling their wares and tricks to every gullible sap and Pidgeon from the Lid down into the depths of the Barrel. But here--here he's seen a hint of magic, not the Small Science, but something more unexplained, almost verging on the impossible.
"Show me."
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He takes his time sitting up, stretching his arms in the process as he crosses his legs beneath him. What would he show him first? He shifts as he has to think about what he would show him. Message wouldn't be a good one since they're sitting right across from each other, however...
"Okay, okay. I'll show you the one I've been practicing more." He takes a deep breath before he moves his hands how Caleb had shown him, saying something under his breath as he summons Mage Hand.
The spectral hand hovers in the air before he slowly concentrates sending it across the room to pick up his bag and bring it back over to them. It floats slowly, Wylan focusing on making sure his satchel is on the bed with them before he drops the spell. He reaches out for the strap to pull it closer and looks at Jesper shyly, brushing a stray hair behind his ear.
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He has to wonder just what Wylan is trying to do as the spectral hand manifests and begins the slow trek across the room and back with Wylan's bag in tow. When the spell drops, his wide-eyed gaze is one of wonder and delight.
"You're absolutely brilliant, you know that?" It's not an empty compliment. He has no idea what is behind work like that, but he knows Wylan has managed to learn something so completely new in a little under a couple of months. "You said this one is what you've been practicing with, you're learning more?"
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He's excited to talk about what he's been learning, and he can't wait to learn more. Caleb has been an excellent teacher and now that Essek had joined in, he was curious about what else he may learn. Discovering that he could actually use magic has been an exciting revelation.
"I just learned Friends. I'm not very good at it yet and well... the downside is that people know you've used it after the spell has faded but-- it could be quite useful."
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There was a reason he was half in love with this boy before they had ever thought to be a thing.
"Don't let Kaz know about that whole 'Friends' thing. He'll hate the name but he'll definitely start scheming about how to use it. Message will be useful if the tech ever cuts..." He taps his fingers on his knees, obviously thinking about something. "How exactly are you planning on practicing Friends anyway? I mean if the person you use it on knows..."
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Cause that would just be awkward. Use the spell and then die for trying it. Which really he was trying to avoid doing something so careless. He takes his bag and sets it on the side of the bed, not sure if he should show Jesper Friends or not.
"It's pretty fascinating to learn magic." He admits with a smile, bringing the subject back around. "Each spell consists of a verbal, somatic, or a component. Sometimes more than one, but I don't think all three are needed for a spell."
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Besides, how much could Wylan compel him to do in a minute? Although...that had some interesting implications--probably best not to go down that train of thought right now.
"You're enjoying it." And that's enough to know that he'd encourage it. "Who are you learning this all from anyway?"
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What could he compel Jesper to do? Hopefully, nothing that he wouldn't freely give otherwise but the implications were there. He's just glad that Jesper was willing to help him learn and practice.
"I am." He nods, before he moves to settle back down into the bed, looking up at the other boy. "I met a man named Caleb. He and his-" traveling companion "-friend Essek have been teaching me. Caleb says he's a wizard."
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