[Jesper wants to argue that it was, clearly, not fine. But now isn't quite the time to push that issue. Not when Wylan starts speaking again and lays most of the truth at his feet.
There's a future there he still couldn't quite let himself believe in. A future that saw them through what was easily riding on half a prayer--one that had them together. He sucks in a breath, brings a hand to his mouth, and breathes out again.]
Saints. We--you and I--we run the Van Eck estate? Together...from your house. [There are several implications there. The relationship Wylan had said they had was looking far more serious than anything he had let himself get involved with before.] What does that all mean for us here, Wy? Where do you want this to go...?
Yeah. We run the Van Eck estate. [He tucks his chin between his knees, looking away as he wraps his arms around his legs.] You read everything to me. Documents, shipping manifests, trade agreements... we've been going through his office to get an idea of what we're looking at. [He pauses, taking another deep breath.] I even give you money to play the Exchange.
[Which required a lot of trust and thought. He knew Jesper couldn't completely kick the habit so why not play the Exchange where it could benefit them? They weren't betting the same odds and so far he hasn't taken any risky ventures.
There's a longer pause this time, his heart pounding in his chest. What does that all mean for us here, Wy?]
I don't know. [It's small, quiet, and he looks away from Jesper when he says it.]
[I even gave you money to play the Exchange. Innocuous enough of a statement, but that involved a lot of trust. Jesper knew that much. His vices were no secret, and he could only guess how much thought Wylan had put into that decision, how much trust he put in Jesper to go through with it.]
You don't know...or don't know how to explain it? [Those were two very different things in this conversation.] Putting everything aside, at the end of the day, what do you want?
[It's selfish, given all he's done since coming here--most of it without a second thought to the consequences or what it might all look like to Wylan--but he was hoping the other boy still wanted him. With all his faults and flaws, he wants that to be the answer. It was more than worth making some changes for.]
I-- [He cuts himself off, shrugging his shoulders before he tries again.] I want to be selfish. Want you but I don't want to share.
[He doesn't want to share, he doesn't want to second guess where he stands with Jesper, but he knows that Hell was going to make things challenging. Hell would put their relationship to the test, and it already had considering Jesper came from a different time period.]
I don't think it's going to be easy, though. [Not that anything was easy for them.] I don't think Hell will let us just... be.
Be selfish, then. Hell is going to do what it wants, might as well spit in the face of it and do what we want, too. [There was an odd peace in knowing that Wylan was just as, if not more, selfish than him in this. That he wanted. He has a feeling that he's right about Hell and the demands it will make of them, but he's also certain it's nothing more than they've stared down before.]
Nothing worth having is ever easy. [They knew that truth better than most anyone. Their crew had literally crawled and scraped their way out of the bottom of the Barrel. ] I'm willing to work at it if you are.
You are? [He shouldn't be so surprised, but it was so quiet, so unsure as he looks Jesper over. He wasn't unsure of them, he was unsure of what kind of trouble Hell was going to make for them. Wylan wanted so much but how would Hell keep them apart? Would they be fighting tooth and nail the entire time?]
I am. [He says, finally, after a moment.] I'm willing. [There's a pause as he drops one of his legs down to the floor.] We need to discuss the possibility that Hell is going to make things difficult. [He frowns, not really enjoying the idea of needing to have this particular discussion.] Or worse. It might try and tear us apart by having us fall into bed with other people. There's plenty of drugs to do it. [And they haven't run into it yet. Not in Mammon's realm.]
We already know it's a possibility. I doubt we'll be able to avoid everything Hell tries to throw at us. [They may have their luck at dodging consequences, but luck can only run for so far before it eventually runs out. It's a reality they had to consider.] So...we keep talking. No secrets. If something happens, we should...let each other know.
[That's the best solution. He wasn't going to intentionally seek out other people with the idea of falling into bed with them. That didn't mean Hell wouldn't find a way to lure them in all the same.]
[Wylan relaxes for the first time in their whole conversation. His shoulders sag, and he takes a slow deep breath as they found some solid ground to agree on. They could communicate, that wouldn't be an issue.] Yeah. Yeah we'll keep talking. I don't like keeping secrets from you.
[It killed him to keep the timeline discrepancy from him when he just didn't know how to explain it to him.
He pushes himself up off the chair, walking slowly over to Jesper before he leans against the arm. He sits there quietly, before he leans over and kisses his temple, longing to be close but unsure where the line was. Sure, they discussed what they wanted, what they needed from each other to some extent, but where could he take this?]
[There had only ever been one secret he kept close to his chest; for survival back in Ketterdam, for his father's sanity and peace of mind in Novyi Zem. And it was a secret Wylan knew, so what reason would he have to hide anything else?] I don't like secrets much either.
[So there wouldn't be any. He hoped that would be the easier part to keep to.
He looks up after Wylan presses his lips to his temple, a slow smile crossing his lips as he reaches up to pull Wylan in closer. His hand curls at the back of Wylan's neck, dragging him in till their foreheads touched.] More than okay, Wy. [A statement he punctuates with a kiss, brief and fleeting, but a kiss all the same.]
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There's a future there he still couldn't quite let himself believe in. A future that saw them through what was easily riding on half a prayer--one that had them together. He sucks in a breath, brings a hand to his mouth, and breathes out again.]
Saints. We--you and I--we run the Van Eck estate? Together...from your house. [There are several implications there. The relationship Wylan had said they had was looking far more serious than anything he had let himself get involved with before.] What does that all mean for us here, Wy? Where do you want this to go...?
no subject
[Which required a lot of trust and thought. He knew Jesper couldn't completely kick the habit so why not play the Exchange where it could benefit them? They weren't betting the same odds and so far he hasn't taken any risky ventures.
There's a longer pause this time, his heart pounding in his chest. What does that all mean for us here, Wy?]
I don't know. [It's small, quiet, and he looks away from Jesper when he says it.]
no subject
You don't know...or don't know how to explain it? [Those were two very different things in this conversation.] Putting everything aside, at the end of the day, what do you want?
[It's selfish, given all he's done since coming here--most of it without a second thought to the consequences or what it might all look like to Wylan--but he was hoping the other boy still wanted him. With all his faults and flaws, he wants that to be the answer. It was more than worth making some changes for.]
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[He doesn't want to share, he doesn't want to second guess where he stands with Jesper, but he knows that Hell was going to make things challenging. Hell would put their relationship to the test, and it already had considering Jesper came from a different time period.]
I don't think it's going to be easy, though. [Not that anything was easy for them.] I don't think Hell will let us just... be.
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Nothing worth having is ever easy. [They knew that truth better than most anyone. Their crew had literally crawled and scraped their way out of the bottom of the Barrel. ] I'm willing to work at it if you are.
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I am. [He says, finally, after a moment.] I'm willing. [There's a pause as he drops one of his legs down to the floor.] We need to discuss the possibility that Hell is going to make things difficult. [He frowns, not really enjoying the idea of needing to have this particular discussion.] Or worse. It might try and tear us apart by having us fall into bed with other people. There's plenty of drugs to do it. [And they haven't run into it yet. Not in Mammon's realm.]
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[That's the best solution. He wasn't going to intentionally seek out other people with the idea of falling into bed with them. That didn't mean Hell wouldn't find a way to lure them in all the same.]
no subject
[It killed him to keep the timeline discrepancy from him when he just didn't know how to explain it to him.
He pushes himself up off the chair, walking slowly over to Jesper before he leans against the arm. He sits there quietly, before he leans over and kisses his temple, longing to be close but unsure where the line was. Sure, they discussed what they wanted, what they needed from each other to some extent, but where could he take this?]
Are we okay, then?
no subject
[So there wouldn't be any. He hoped that would be the easier part to keep to.
He looks up after Wylan presses his lips to his temple, a slow smile crossing his lips as he reaches up to pull Wylan in closer. His hand curls at the back of Wylan's neck, dragging him in till their foreheads touched.] More than okay, Wy. [A statement he punctuates with a kiss, brief and fleeting, but a kiss all the same.]